


i'm not calling you a ghost (just stop haunting me)

by delusiohns



Category: Black Swan (2010)
Genre: Dirty Thoughts, F/F, Kind of angsty, Light Angst, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delusiohns/pseuds/delusiohns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She doesn't mind it, clubbing is clubbing and sex is sex and maybe these are things that she’s too familiar with, but honestly she doesn't mind it. She’d prefer it to waking up with her on her mind. It’s not like it’s the first time she’s thought of the girl but now she just can’t get her out of her mind."</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm not calling you a ghost (just stop haunting me)

**Author's Note:**

> is it too late to write a black swan one shot? probably. really inspired to write this though after reading all the amazing fics on here. this is pretty short and there's no real plot but i hope you enjoy nonetheless. i did a quick proofread but sorry for any typos.

Lily’s been waking up in her own bed these days, that hasn't seemed to happen in months. Lily never takes anyone home, she’s always being brought to someone else’s home as a trophy of some sort. And she has no problem with staying the night, she just doesn't do mornings. She doesn't mind it, clubbing is clubbing and sex is sex and maybe these are things that she’s too familiar with, but honestly she doesn't mind it. She’d prefer it to waking up with _her_ on her mind. It’s not like it’s the first time she’s thought of the girl but now she just can’t get _her_ out of her mind.

Lily tried to go out clubbing but it didn't feel right after everything and it's ridiculous, she doesn't _owe_ Nina anything; it’s just that the little white pills don’t seem like friends anymore. Their color have a little too much resemblance to _her_ snowy porcelain for Lily’s comfort. And Lily can’t dance now without seeing _her_ underneath the flashing lights – grinding, writhing, dancing – and feeling _her_ hands all over her body, _her_ lips all over her. Her breaking point is when she’s dancing with some girl and the whispering in her ears accompanied with the aggressive beat and thumping bass begin to form out, 'I was perfect,' and she has to rush to the bathroom to avoid puking on herself but she thinks she heard Nina’s laugh on her way off the dance floor. Nina didn't die but Lily really wishes that she would stop haunting her.

On the taxi ride home, Lily thinks that she might visit Nina in the morning. She'd probably have to blow off morning practice but there’s no point going into practice anyways, Swan Lake was cancelled and, after Beth and Nina, Thomas could barely look at the other dancers; he probably wouldn't even notice if she wasn’t there. She almost feels pity for him.

She tries to imagine how Nina might react if she were to visit her. They weren't really close, and hardly could be called friends. She remembers their last conversation together, she feels a twinge of guilt how she reacted to Nina essentially confessing to having a wet dream about them together but she can’t help but feel heat and desire flow through her body. She wonders if Nina got off to the thought of her; her fingers swirling on her clit, curling her digits as she thrusts them repeatedly inside of her core, sliding in and out as her back arched and her toes curls, her body grinding as she grew hotter, more and more desperate. Lily thinks it was a shame to have missed the opportunity to have Nina even if not just for a night but she quickly dismisses the thought because nobody could _have_ Nina, she didn't belong to anyone. Not even Nina completely possessed all of herself, no matter how hard she tried to keep it all bound within her sound exterior. Sometimes Lily thought she understood Nina, that she knew how Nina operated, but Nina always found a way to surprise her. She doesn't want to expect anything from Nina anymore, it hasn't done any good for anyone.

When she gets home she brushes her teeth, her morning breath doesn't need to be accompanied with vomit and mint flavored gum, but resolves to take a shower in the morning. She touches herself underneath her covers and thinks of Nina, Nina probably tried to silence her sounds of pleasure but Lily moaned Nina’s name over and over again out into the darkness before recovering from her bliss and sinking into her bed. She wipes her fingers onto her sheets and pulls her cover over her body. She’s getting used to sleeping alone.

**Author's Note:**

> title was taken from florence + the machine's 'i'm not calling you a liar'


End file.
